My first STD was from a foam party
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
