1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
