Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
