There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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