Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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