their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
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She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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