wrigley field is MILF paradise
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
