got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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