How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
