Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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