You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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