I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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