but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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