a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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