Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
