The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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