Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
