if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
