my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
