I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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