after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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