gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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