I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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