I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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