Little spoons don't ask big questions
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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