wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
