his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
