We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
