there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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