Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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