GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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