she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.