Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.