is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?