Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.