a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?