I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes