I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary