Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
