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• (586): View more from Michigan

  On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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• (972): View more from Texas

  He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?

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• (516): View more from New York

  Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.

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• (516): View more from New York

  This is classic penis vs brain.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Dude... this pee is not alleged

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  YOU SAT ON MY LAP!

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Wuddup pee lap

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