apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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