when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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