what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
