i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
