i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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