Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i think my cat just said my name.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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