9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
