There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
