He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are the jesus of drinking
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
