i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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