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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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