I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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