I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
