sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
