I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
