you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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