broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
