omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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