Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
