So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
