so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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