A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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