Umm I'm too high to move.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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