Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
