Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
