My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
