They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
