Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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