Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
