we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
