hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i think i just lost a toe
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
